Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
