i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
