It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
