someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
