ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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