I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
