In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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