if you like me you must not know who I am
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
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