Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
