If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
