I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
