The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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