i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
