I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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