Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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