And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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