She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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