Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
