that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
