Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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