I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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