Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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