Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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