Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I don't deserve a penis
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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