Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
