I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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