you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Who died my cat blue again?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
