If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
When are your genitals available?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
