I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
