VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
