I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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