I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
