Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
