I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
