Duck Duck Cougar?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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