We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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