well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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