I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
