the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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