Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
