Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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