Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
