false alarm. still invincible.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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