every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
