I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
