oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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