my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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