First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
