who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
