If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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