Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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