My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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