he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
