Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
