Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
